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safaiagemwritingJyn woke up from another failure and realized that she needed to go about this a different way. It wasn't just about keeping Cassian from falling but also about saving everyone else. That didn't mean that the failure didn't sit on her skin like oil and she needed to wash it away. This time she was a lot calmer by the time she made it Cassian's room. He still opened the door for her, gave her his terrible booze, and let her pin him down on the floor and fuck his brain outs. It was what she needed even if she felt a little distant as she did so. Cassian seemed to notice that she didn't want to talk and didn't say anything to her. When Jyn got up and left his room instead of spending the night, he just let her without saying a word.
So she began a pattern of repeating the days and figuring out how everyone died. It meant that she had to keep in contact with everyone a lot more than she did the other times they did this mission. She heard about Rogue One exploding around her twentieth time through and Bodhi being inside when it happened. She heard about how Chirrut opened the channel they needed and died doing so. She heard about Baze standing tall as he took on several Death Troopers at once and died in an explosion. Jyn sat in her room, her body pleasantly aching from Cassian, and laid it all out.
Cassian wasn't as welcoming to her when she got to Rogue One the fortieth time she'd tried this mission. Jyn thought about it and realized that she had barely said a word to him when she walked into his room. She silently drank his booze, barely kissed him, took what she wanted him from, and left. From the outside, she looked like the worst possible person in the world but Jyn tried not to think about it. There was time to get Cassian to forgive her once she saved his life. He didn't smile at her when they got through the shield gate and he hardly looked at her throughout the entire mission. He still saved her but he waved her off when she tried to help him to the beach.
When Cassian didn't tell her that her father would be proud or took her hand Jyn realized that she had made a terrible mistake. It hasn't dawned on her that she could make things even worse and as the wave approached she realized that this wasn't the Cassian she wanted to save. She wanted to save the one that held her at the end of the world. She wanted the one who laughed when they were drinking together and kissed her like she meant something.
"I'm sorry," Jyn said as the wave approached. "I didn't mean to use you like I did."
"The mission is done," Cassian said as he watched the wave approach for the first time. "That's all that matters in the end." It wasn't but now wasn't the time to try and change that. She wanted to tell him that the mission repeating was beginning to get to her in a way that was hard to put into words. The wave was coming so it wasn't like anyone was going to make any difference.
"I'm glad you're here with me in the end," Jyn said and for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, Cassian turned and looked at her. He still wore that blank spy mask but she could see something in his dark eyes that made her feel a little better. Maybe there was still some hope even if she messed this up so badly that she couldn't even quantify it. He didn't look away from her and the wave approached them as they sat on that beach, without touching, and without saying another word to each other.
+++
Jyn sat up and walked over to Cassian's room only this time she was running. She was running because she made a mistake and it was time to fix it. He opened the door and let her in. This time she didn't let them finish the entire bottle of the terrible booze so they were sloppy drunk. This time they were both pleasantly buzzed when she climbed into his lap and kissed him like she was a dying woman. It was a slower and softer kiss than she was used to and Jyn found that she liked kissing him like this. She liked the feeling of his body pressed against hers without the desperation that too much booze brought on. Jyn broke the kiss but remained close to him.
Cassian blinked as he looked at her but he didn't say anything. He stayed just as close and didn't try to move things along in any way. Jyn was a little surprised at how much she was enjoying just having him close to her like this. She couldn't remember the last time she enjoyed being with a man when sex wasn't involved.
She wanted sex involved though, she wanted him, and Jyn leaned forward and kissed Cassian again. Unlike previous times when they were frantically trying to pull off each other's clothes, they spent some time sitting on the floor of his room kissing each other. Jyn ran her fingers through his hair and felt him gasp against her mouth when she pulled it a little. Cassian kiss along her jaw and found the sensitive place behind her ear that made Jyn moan and roll her hips. They hardly stopped kissing each other as they stood up and she pulled Cassian onto his bed. They were both still fully clothed but she was more than content to kiss the air from his lungs.
Unlike previous times Cassian seemed content to explore her body in a way a lover hadn't in a very long time. He pulled her clothes off and seemed to enjoy each new piece of skin that he saw. It was a stark reminder for Jyn that while she was remembering each time they were together Cassian wasn't. This was something new that he was exploring every single time she came to his room. So despite how much she wanted to hurry him along Jyn laid back and let Cassian spend far too long kissing her breasts. She let him pull off her sleep shorts and kiss along her thighs. He looked up and smirked at her and Jyn nearly keened when Cassian put his mouth on her.
Jyn already knew that he had talented fingers and she should have expected that a spy would have a talented tongue but this was something else altogether. She didn't even know that this could feel this good and Jyn was having a hard time forming coherent thoughts. She held onto his head and had to bite down on one of her knuckles to keep from screaming so loud that the entire base knew what they were doing. Cassian slipped two fingers into her and the stretch and his tongue were enough that she saw stars. Jyn arched off of the bed as she came and for half a moment she thought she blacked out.
"Fucking hell you're good at that," she managed to say and Cassian chuckled as he kissed up her body.
"So glad you approve," he replied and kissed her lips. Jyn could taste herself on him but she didn't care, how could anyone possibly care after that? Cassian just gave her one of the best orgasms of her entire life so why would she care that she could taste herself on his lips. That was enough to make her moan again and she helped him out of his clothes. They went slower this time, took their time with each other, and it was so nice. They were both still a little drunk and sometimes they would do something that would make the other laugh but it felt light. This entire experience was a bunch of firsts for her; she didn't know that she could laugh during sex. She didn't know it could be fun and pleasurable at the same time.
Jyn dug her nails into his shoulders hard enough to draw blood when she came a second time and Cassian followed not long after. He didn't ask her to leave and Jyn didn't want to. She just wanted to stay here and try not to think about how she wanted to save all of them. She didn't want to think about Cassian falling yet again and holding his broken body against her. It felt wrong to indulge like this even as Cassian leaned in for another kiss and they spent the next hour leisurely making out like teenagers. She knew Cassian didn't have much of a childhood, he said as much when he told her he'd been in this fight since he was six, but maybe there was more to it than that. She thought about Kay and how close he was to the droid. They needed Kay in the position he was. He saved them but maybe there was a way to save him.
"I've never met someone whose best friend was a droid," Jyn said and she made sure there was a teasing element to what she said even if she was fishing for more information.
"Yeah, well, people don't trust spies so they aren't usually friends with them either," Cassian replied as he settled down in the bed. They were still wrapped up in each other but neither of them was making any move to put clothes back on.
"He must follow you into a lot of dangerous places then," she said and Cassian hummed in agreement. "Have you lost him before?" Cassian frowned and looked up at the ceiling.
"No but we came very close sometimes," he said.
"This is a suicide mission, does he have a backup?" Jyn asked because this was a way to solve one of the problems. If there was a backup for Kay back at the base then they could just bring him back once she saved everyone else.
"No, I'll ask him if he wants to leave one behind," Cassian said and she was struck by the fact that he wouldn't force Kay to leave a backup if he didn't want to. He truly respected the droid as if he was a real person in a way that Jyn hadn't seen before. There were so many things about Cassian that continued to surprise her. The knowledge that they needed to get clean was beginning to become more apparent but she didn't want to go alone. She wanted to spend more time with him.
"Do you have a private fresher?" Jyn asked and when Cassian turned to look at her she smirked. She pulled him into the fresher and loved the feeling of him pressing her against the cool walls. They were there to get clean but when Cassian began to suck another mark into the sensitive skin of her neck she knew that they were going to be in here for a while. Between her bracing her hands against the walls and Cassian's strength he was able to fuck her against the wall and just when Jyn thought she knew everything there was to know about this man in bed he continued to surprise her. Yavin was a jungle planet so she didn't feel too bad about the mass amount of water that they just wasted.
That night Jyn slept better than she had any of the other nights that she had spent with him and when she saw Cassian taking Kay aside she felt like she had changed something for the first time. Maybe she could do this. Maybe she could keep all of them safe and maybe there was a way to keep all of them from dying. Maybe she could do this.
+++
Bodhi was a death that she needed to solve right away. Not only was he an important person to save but he also the only person that could get them off of the planet. Rogue One as a ship needed to be saved and that meant getting more information. She heard about him dragging the cord into the ship amongst blaster fire to establish a connection. She heard from someone nearby about the grenade that ended his life and destroyed the ship. So it was time to figure out a way to keep the stormtroopers from getting anything into the ship that could destroy it.
"Bodhi, I'm worried about you and the ship once the fighting starts," Jyn said as they piloted to Scarif.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Well, if they get any indication that we're not who we say we are they might destroy the ship and you could be in it when it happens," she explained and she did her best to keep her voice calm so he couldn't tell that she knew this to be a fact.
"It's protocol to keep the ship doors open," he said. "Closing them might attract more attention but maybe I could lie. I could tell them that I thought I saw rebels and that I wanted to make sure that the ship stayed safe. Maybe if I told them that I was protecting the ship from rebels they wouldn't think much of it."
"We need you to get us off of the planet safely," Jyn said as she placed a hand on his shoulder. "The last thing I want is the ship to go up in flames with you in it. I think closing the doors is the best thing to do once the fighting starts."
The fighting started and Bodhi told her that he was closing the doors. She could hear him talking to people and telling them about how he thought he saw rebels and he didn't want them taking any resources from the Empire. He sounded frantic, afraid, and she believed him.
"I need to reopen the doors to connect this cable," Bodhi said and Jyn knew that was a bad idea because this was the moment where he died.
"No," Jyn said. "Go down through the hatch that everyone snuck out of. That is the best way to get back outside without risking the entire ship." Cassian was looking at her oddly like he didn't quite believe what was going on but he didn't question it. Not this time. Bodhi agreed and managed to make the connection and for the first time the ship did not explode and Bodhi did not die when he was supposed to. Jyn was overjoyed, she felt like she made progress for the first time, but that didn't mean she won.
Something went wrong. Maybe it was because they were moving just a little slower but this time Cassian was in a different place while they climbed but he took a blaster to the back. It wouldn't kill him but Jyn knew that he wasn't going to walk again and the way he fell somehow looked worse. She sent the plans, it was fine, but Cassian looked like he was dying when she went back to him.
"I can't feel my legs," Cassian said as he coughed up blood. He was bleeding internally and it didn't matter that Bodhi might be alive still because he was dying. He wasn't going to make it. She helped drag him to the elevator and hit the emergency stop halfway down so they would be alone.
"I'm here," she whispered. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."
"Jyn, you need to go," he said but she wasn't going to leave him. She heard the Death Star take off half of the citadel but it didn't hit them this time. She didn't know when the blast was coming but she could hear Bodhi in her comms. He was alive and he was getting away from the planet. She had saved one person and if she didn't wake up the next day then that would be enough. That would be good enough for her.
Cassian died in her arms moments before the blast hit.
+++
From there Jyn knew she needed to find a way to save Chirrut and Baze. They wouldn't leave each other's side and if she kept them away from the control panel then maybe she could save them. So she told them to stay closer to Rogue One and said that they needed to make sure that Bodhi was safe. If there was a chance that they were going to get off-planet it lay with Bodhi and that meant keeping him and the ship alive. Chirrut looked at her like he knew what was going on but didn't say anything.
This time she went with Cassian and Kay to hit the switch. No one stopped them but it did slow them down considerably. That must have been the thing that went wrong because one moment they were okay and the next a group of stormtroopers were attacking them. Jyn fought, with everything she had, but there were too many of them. A trooper aimed Cassian and she watched as Kay shielded him with his body. The look on Cassian's face as Kay fell to the ground was something Jyn didn't want to see ever again.
"Kay?" Cassian said softly but the light in the eyes of the robot went out before he could say anything. Cassian began to fight the troopers with a rage she hadn't ever seen him before but the rage wasn't enough. The troopers overwhelmed them and began to drag them to the control room where Krennic was waiting.
"Well, well, what do we have here," he said as he looked the two of them over. He was smiling like he knew he won and Jyn knew that he did. This time was different because they were failing and this was the first time she had failed. Was that going to be the thing that ended the cycle? Her failure? She was panicking even as Cassian stood there and didn't show a single emotion save for the rage in his dark eyes. Krennic scanned their faces and smirked as he looked over the information.
"An escaped convict, not very interesting," he said as he looked over her. "But you, you're more interesting. You're in our database as a member of the Empire but you seem to move around and get lost in the system a lot. Kind of like you fall in and out loyalty." Krennic looked at Cassian like he was the best thing he had ever seen. "A spy and spies always know so much."
"I'm not telling you shit," Cassian said as he spat on the floor before Krennic. He said something else, it sounded like swear words, in a language that Jyn didn't know. She wanted to tell him to stop because if they got thrown in a cell maybe they could survive but the words wouldn't come.
"We have ways of making spies talk," Krennic said and someone handed him a vibroblade. "You though, you're different, I can tell. I've heard rumors of the Fulcrum agents and they would sooner go to the grave than tell anyone anything. Are you a Fulcrum agent?" Cassian didn't say anything he stared Krennic down and all Jyn could think about was failure. No one was attacking because they hadn't given the order. Everyone was trapped down here and they were going to be slaughtered.
"Sir, rebels have been spotted on the island. Troopers killed a group of them," a man said. Krennic smiled as he turned back to Cassian with the vibroblade in hand.
"Your friends are dying. I could be inclined to spare their lives if you tell me the location of your base," Krennic said. Cassian, to his credit, didn't even react to the news that everyone was dying. That seemed to be the end of Krennic's patience as he took the blade and shoved it hilt deep into Cassian's stomach. Jyn yelled out, she struggled, but the troopers held onto her. There was nothing she could do. "I've seen you, spies, before," Krennic said as he began to slowly twist the blade. Cassian was clearly struggling to hide the fact that he was in pain but hew as failing as Krennic twisted the blade. "You won't break for anything." Krennic twisted the blade harder and Cassian nearly fell over but the troopers kept a firm hold on him. "So if you won't tell me anything you're of no use to me." Krennic twisted the blade again and ripped it from Cassian's body. He took a large step back to avoid the spray of blood as the troopers let Cassian fall to the ground.
Jyn screamed as the blood began to pool around Cassian. It took almost no time at all for him to bleed out on the floor and Jyn fought the entire time. She saw red; the red of the blood on the floor and the anger that she couldn't contain. She struggled until she broke free from the troopers and decided she was getting revenge on Krennic again. She was going to strangle him with her bare hands.
There was a flash of pain on her back and Jyn stumbled as she fell to the ground. She wasn't far from Cassian and she could see his face devoid of all life. The troopers had shot her in the back and she could feel herself bleeding out on the floor.
They had failed and Jyn screamed as she died.